


L’Appel Du Vide

by TheGrimRaptor



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 05:04:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17277587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGrimRaptor/pseuds/TheGrimRaptor
Summary: Sazed and Taako’s relationship has been on the rocks for awhile. Sazed has a plan to fix it.





	L’Appel Du Vide

**Author's Note:**

> So Taako’s first memory after losing everything to the voidfish was probably killing Barry? But I don’t think he could fully make sense of it. I think it effected the kind of person he thought he was. 
> 
> This is mostly from Sazed’s perspective, and why he thinks Glamour Springs happened.
> 
> It’s also the first fanfic I’ve posted in like 15 years.

Taako was looking over a balcony. He didn’t know where he was. He figured he was at an inn and someone had taken him to the nicest room. That happened to him a lot. Because I talk sweet and smile pretty and fuck fantastically. The balcony was so high up that it was above the clouds, taller than any tower of any castle. He couldn’t even see the ground. 

He was reaching out for someone. That someone was yelling, “Please,” over and over. “I can’t forget, please.” Taako leaned over and reached out. Then he panicked. If he pulled this guy up, something bad would happen. He was so certain of it, but he couldn’t explain why. 

Oh. I pushed him, Taako remembered. And suddenly he wasn't yelling please anymore. He had fallen down. Taako leaned over to try and see his face, but it was too late. He couldn’t make it out. 

 

Taako woke up to someone shaking him. “Taako,” said the voice. “Taako are you okay?”

Taako took a second to look around and remember where he was. “I’m fine. Just a nightmare.”

“Do you want to talk about it,” the man next to him asked. 

“Not really, bubaleh.” 

“Taako, you can talk to me. You can trust me,” he said, resting a hand on Taako’s shoulder. “It might make you feel better.”

Taako sighed. He looked at Sazed with weary eyes. “Have you ever had a dream of a memory,” Taako asked. Sazed nodded. “Have you ever had it so many times you forget which parts are dream and which are memory?” Sazed didn’t respond. “You said you love me no matter what, right?” 

“Of course,” he said. 

“I think I killed someone,” Taako said. He nervously looked up at Sazed’s face. It was very controlled. 

“You think,” Sazed asked. 

“I remember it two ways. I don’t know which is real. We were both drunk, maybe high. Not in out right minds. I couldn’t think straight. He was trying to attack me and I jumped out of the way. We were on a balcony. He fell, I think. Or I pushed him?” Taako ribbed his eyes. “I just remember him falling backwards. I can’t even picture his face. The weird thing is, I don’t remember him attacking me? But I remember reaching to pull him up, and then thinking ‘I can’t. Something bad will happen if I don’t push him.’ So I let him fall. I always let him fall. I remember pushing him is the thing… but in my dream, he always falls. But why would I push him?”

“He must have been trying to hurt you,” Sazed said. 

“I guess. Have you ever heard of ‘L’Appel Du Vide,’” Taako asked. 

“I don’t think so.”

“It means the call of the void.”

“It what language,” he cut in. Taako shrugged. 

“I don’t remember. But it’s weird, like self sabotage. Like when you standing next to a canyon and you just think ‘I could jump right now,’ or something.”

Sazed nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! There was a mine in my town with a giant grinder. And I would always think ‘what if I jumped in,’ every time I passed it. I never had a term for it.”

“Right. You’re not actually going to do it. Your brain just wonders… makes up a scenario.” Taako sighed. “I always wonder… what if he wasn’t hurting me. What if I just felt L’Appel Du Vide so strongly, and I was so high I just followed through?” 

“Maybe he jumped. Maybe he felt it and jumped… maybe you get it backwards.”

“I really don’t know,” Taako said. “I should feel terrible about it. But I really don’t, you know? I feel bad about not feeling bad. But every time I have the dream I think ‘I’ll pull him up this time,’ and then everything, every last ounce of my strength screams for me not too. It’s scary. It’s weird.”

“It’s just a dream, Taako,” Sazed said. “Let’s go back to sleep.” 

“Yeah, ok.” Taako curled up against him and laid down on the sleeping roll. 

“Do you feel better,” Sazed asked. 

“Nope,” Taako said. But eventually he did drift off, back to sleep. 

___________________________________________________________________________

‘L’Appel Du Vide,’ Sazed would think to him when ever he found him contemplating something stupid. He had asked Taako more about it from time to time, but the elf didn’t know much. 

Sazed studied a sewing pin. All he could think about was how it would feel in his eye. He shuddered. He try to make the thought go away and it wouldn’t. 

What would happen if he put the pin through his eye?  
It go in the pupil.  
It would stick out.  
He wouldn't be able to close his eye.  
He would go blind.  
It would hurt. 

Finally he barely poked his finger with the pin, and the thoughts stopped. He noticed it more now. It didn’t happen more often, but having a word for it was a relief. 

He had an idea that the term didn’t strictly apply to, but began think of it as L’Appel Du Vide anyway. 

What if he asked Taako to include him in the show? (Unlike the pin, this didn’t have one ending scenario.)  
Taako could just say no.  
He could laugh at him.  
He could abandon him here for trying to split the glory.  
He could pretend he didn’t hear Sazed and walk away.  
He could say yes. 

It was just an idea, not L’Appel Du Vide, but Sazed could not let it go. Every day he thought about asking. Even though it would be terribly self destructive. No matter how hard Sazed tried, he could not let it go. 

So finally he asked. And Taako said no.

He didn’t laugh at Sazed, not really. But Sazed couldn’t help but feel like he had. So he started thinking of other ideas to get Taako to include him. 

What if he threatened him? He was much stronger than Taako. Force him to let Sazed join. But Taako had admitted to maybe killing a guy once, so Sazed knew he would do it again for self-preservation. What if he blackmailed Taako? He would play it over and over in his head. He would tell Taako to let him join the show, or he would turn Taako in to the Militia at the next town for killing the guy. But Sazed didn’t know who, or when, or where. It didn’t seem like a viable option. 

What if he saved Taako’s life? It had worked before. Taako had almost ditched Sazed once, so he hired a man to attack Taako. Before he could seriously hurt Taako, Sazed jumped in and saved him. Taako felt so indebted, he dropped the idea of ditching Sazed. 

Sazed felt like Taako had been colder lately, ever since he asked. He couldn’t figure out a way to get him to warm back up. He figured Taako was thinking about leaving him again. 

As he was thinking about this, Taako came and sat down next to Sazed. He handed Sazed a small cup of tea. 

“Here,” he said. “Chai. I know you prefer green, but… I was feeling spicy, you know,” he said smiling. 

“S’fine,” Sazed mumbled. They were sitting on a large hill on a fallen log, over looking a winding river. The sun was setting and the sky was a beautiful orange. 

“What are you thinking about, big guy,” Taako asked, resting his head on Sazed’s shoulder. 

“Nothing,” he said. 

“I was thinking about what if there were two suns,” Taako informed him. 

“That’s dumb,” Sazed said. 

“Why is that dumb,” Taako said, pulling back. “There are two moons. Why can’t there be two suns?” 

“Cause it would be to hot,” Sazed explained. 

“Oh yeah,” Taako said. “I guess that’s true.” He stared at the sunset a bit longer, but sitting an inch away from Sazed. “I love you,” Taako said. “Even when your being a jerk.” He kissed Sazed on the cheek. 

“How am I a jerk,” he snapped. 

“Ruining my two sun fantasy world. You know what? Forget it,” Taako said with a heavy sigh. He drained his cup and stood up. “I’m going to prepare for tomorrow. Enjoy the tea.” 

Sazed looked down at the tea cup and took a sip. It was strong, with the powerful flavors of cardamom and cinnamon and whatever other spices Taako always used. If he poisoned it, I wouldn’t even taste it, he thought. Then he realized what a horrible thing to think. 

Sure, Taako was being irrational, snapping at him for no reason, but he wouldn’t try to kill him right? 

Except he had killed someone before, so who knows. 

Sazed immediately felt guilty for the thought. It didn’t matter though, the sight of the tea was making him nauseous. He dumped the cup out and made his way back to the caravan. 

____________________________________________________________________________

Sazed took a sample of the thirty garlic chicken. Like always, it was perfect and flavorful. The garlic was strong but as the chicken melted in your mouth, the other flavors came through. 

You wouldn’t taste poison in this either, he thought to him self. But Taako had eaten some, so it had to be fine. 

Sazed finished his chicken. He felt fine. But couldn’t shake the notion. What if Taako tried to poison him? What would he do? 

Part of him thought he would eat it. As soon as he realized he was doomed, inhale it, the the death would be horrible and haunt Taako for ever. But it wasn’t fair that Taako get to keep living. 

So what if he poisoned Taako back? Took a bite of the poison food, and then slip his own poison into Taako’s drink while he was distracted. Then Taako would die too. 

If he poisoned Taako first— 

Sazed stopped himself. He was getting carried away. None of this even made sense. Why would Taako want to poison him? 

Because Sazed was stupid enough to try and share the limelight with him. As he watch Taako finish up he performance he realized what a stupid idea that was, because nothing could shine next to Taako. 

___________________________________________________________________________

They were standing at a food stand. Taako was taking animatedly the stand owner about his product. It was skewers of meat with a strange blend of spices. Sazed bit in as he watched Taako flirt with the man. No, Taako wouldn’t flirt while he was standing right there. Taako laughed at something as the man removed a bottle of powder from beneath the cart. Taako sampled some and his eyes went wide. He touched the man on the shoulder and Sazed had to turn. He couldn’t watch this. 

Suddenly, he couldn’t get any air. So this is how he kills me, not with his own food. Clever.

“Babe,” Taako said nervously. Sazed kept trying to get air but to no avail. He felt Taako’s arms wrap around him an squeeze any sweet precious air he had remaining out of his body.

“Why,” he said as the chunk of meat went flying out of his throat. He took a few gulps of air as quickly as he could. 

“Sazed, babe, you okay? Are you alright? Let’s sit you down.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. “Just got a little scared.” Taako gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You saved my life."

“I guess we are even now. Though I wish I could say mine was a little braver.” He smiled nervously and grabbed Sazed’s hand. He finished up his conversation and excused him self, dragging Sazed back to the caravan. 

“We didn’t have to come back here,” Sazed said nervously. He was worried Taako was going to yell at him. He hated when Sazed embarrassed him in public. Taako turned around and Sazed saw tears in his eyes. 

“You scared me real bad is all,” Taako said. He wrapped his arms around Sazed. “I had a sudden image of you dead on the ground. And where would that leave me, ya know,” he said somewhat jokingly. He kissed Sazed. “Try not to scare me like that, okay?”

“Yeah sorry I won’t.” He looked at Taako confused. Taako rolled his eyes. 

“I’m teasing, you know,” he said. 

“I know,” Sazed said, though he really wasn’t sure. 

“I love you. Wouldn’t want to lose you, right?”

“Yeah. Right. Love you too.” Taako kissed him passionately and Sazed was taken aback for a brief second. 

Taako moved so he was sitting on the back of the caravan, and kept kissing Sazed, pulling Sazed down over him. Sazed smiled and enthusiastically kissed back as Taako worked off Sazed’s belt buckle.  
_______________________________________________________________________________

They were ‘even’ now, so Sazed figured Taako had no good reason to keep him. He wandered through the apothecary looking for the ingredients on Taako’s list. He couldn’t read too well, he mostly just identified numbers and prices. He was excellent at math. 

“Can I help you,” the shopkeeper asked. Sazed sighed and pointed to the list. The shop keep nodded and gathered all the ingredients as Sazed continued to wander around the shop. One bottle was very fancy. 

“What is this,” he asked. 

“Cure for acute arsenic poisoning,” he said. 

“Does it work,” Sazed asked. 

“You would have a number of severe side effects, but you won’t be dead.”

“How much is it,” Sazed asked. 

“A dose is 50 gold.” 

“I’ll buy two. I’ll come back tonight with the money.” 

“Worried about poisoning, young man,” he asked suspiciously. 

“Umm yes. Someone tried to poison my… employer a few months back. It would be a relief to have this.” The shopkeeper nodded. 

Sazed returned as promised. It was pretty much all the personal gold he had, but it was worth it, right? 

He waited until the next city to buy the arsenic.  
________________________________________________________________________________

L’Appel Du Vide called to Sazed every night. He would stare at his small lock box that he kept the poison and antidote in. 

What would happen if I ate just a bite?  
He would vomit.  
His head and stomach would be in severe plain.  
He would die, unless he took the antidote. 

If he could save Taako with it, they wouldn’t be even any more. Taako wouldn't leave him. 

Taako was out right now. He was probably in some other man’s bed, as he often was. Drunk with the local towns folk, ‘promoting’ tomorrow’s show, while Sazed was stuck here watching over everything. 

What if I put the arsenic in the water?  
Taako would come home and drink it.  
He would start to cough.  
As soon as he vomited, Sazed would 'know.'  
He would give Taako the antidote and save him. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Finally he got up. He fingered the bottle and uncorked it. 

Usually this was enough. This was where he stopped. Tonight, he poured a small drop into the water. 

Then he panicked. What the fuck was he doing? He dumped the water away from the caravan. 

 

 

He would pour in small amounts, a little at a time, and wait longer and longer before dumping it out. One time he added to crushed garlic before handing it to Taako. He got nervous and ‘tripped,’ spilling garlic all over Taako. Taako’s eyes flashed with anger for a second. Then he turned to the crowd and grinned. 

“That’s why you need one of these wonderful 'Sizzle it Up with Taako' aprons, folks! Available after the show, and yes I do do autographs!” The crowd laughed and Taako continued on. 

The next time he didn’t spill it. He waited by the side of the caravan. He would knock it out of Taako’s hands right as he went to try it. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you Sazed,” Taako screamed later. “Seriously, that’s the third time in two weeks! Pay attention for once!”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“People aren’t going to come back if they can’t even try the fucking food!” 

“I said I’m sorry,” he snapped. 

“Sorry isn’t enough. Do better.”

 

The next week they arrived in Glamour Springs. Taako began the show in his usual style. When he called Sazed to bring him the garlic, Sazed knocked over the salt. It was a genuine accident, he didn’t mean too. He looked up at Taako, but luckily, he didn’t seem to notice. He was to busy winking at a young man in the front of the crowd. 

Sazed went back to the side of the caravan and waited for his next cue. 

It never came. 

What it Taako never called him?  
He wouldn't get to the poison in time.  
Taako would take a bite, he would-- 

But of course Taako would call him, right? 

He didn’t. He waited and watched. He prepared the antidote so that when Taako took the first bite, he would be ready, as soon as a symptom hit. 

But Taako never sampled the chicken. There were so many people, he wanted it to go around. He began to hand out samples and Sazed froze in panic. 

It didn’t take long. As soon as the first person got sick, they ran. Sazed had never worked the horse so hard in its life. When they reached a town, they traded her in for a new one and kept running. 

The next two days were a blur. They barely slept. They finally found a place deep in the mountains to rest. 

As soon as Taako fell asleep, Sazed ran. He ran until he reached the edge of a cliff. He looked over the edge. The height was daunting. The river was nearly 100 feet below and filled with chucks of ice from the near by mountain. 

He looked up at the stars. 

“Why,” he said out loud to no one. “Why did this have to happen to me?” If Taako hadn’t been so intent on excluding him, those people would be alive right now. He wouldn’t be a murderer. 

Sazed looked back over the side of the cliff. For a brief moment, Sazed felt L’Appel Du Vide calling to him. Just jump. What would happen if you just jumped?

He would fall into the water, survivable, but he could be injured, unless he hit ice or rocks.  
The water would be cold.  
They would find his body perfectly preserved.  
He had the bottles on him so they would link it back to him.  
He would die. 

He could jump. 

 

He stared down the river and continued to run, following the direction that the river flowed.


End file.
